Hello you beautiful people!
When we enter the phase of perimenopause, we often feel subtle changes in our character. We are more irritable, more impatient with ourselves and those around us, and many times find ourselves nagging our children or our partner.
Often we simply no longer want to accept previously accepted schemes. We just don’t feel like it anymore.
Especially in partnerships, this period of change can lead to friction. And often, we don’t understand ourselves how an argument or such distancing could have happened.
“Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing any better at the time. During my Health Coach studies, I came across an interesting theory from Dr. Gary Chapman: “The Five Love Languages”. This theory made me understand in which situations I felt unloved and why. After taking a test, I was finally able to explain to my family why certain circumstances made me feel so angry or disappointed. And why others, made me feel happy and supported.
The “5 Love Languages” is a concept popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” The idea behind the 5 Love Languages is that everyone expresses and receives love differently, and these differences can create misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships.
The 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation: verbal expressions of love and appreciation
- Acts of Service: performing actions to help your partner
- Receiving Gifts: receiving gifts as symbols of love and thoughtfulness
- Quality Time: giving undivided attention and time to your partner
- Physical Touch: physical affection, such as holding hands or hugging.
Here is a basic questionnaire to help you find out, which Love Language you speak:
- Words of Affirmation
- Do you feel loved when someone gives you compliments or expresses their appreciation for you?
- Do kind words from your partner make you feel valued and appreciated?
- Do you feel more loved when your partner writes you a love letter or leaves you a heartfelt note?
- Do you feel more confident and secure in your relationship when your partner frequently tells you how much they love you?
- Do you feel appreciated when your partner acknowledges your accomplishments or efforts?
- Do you feel loved when your partner expresses their gratitude for you in a sincere way?
- Acts of Service
- Do you feel loved when your partner does things to help you, such as cooking a meal or doing the dishes?
- Do you appreciate it when your partner takes care of tasks you don’t enjoy, such as mowing the lawn or fixing the car?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when they do things to make your life easier or more comfortable?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when they help you with household chores or errands?
- Do you feel loved when your partner takes care of you when you’re sick or going through a difficult time?
- Do you appreciate it when your partner does things to support your hobbies or interests?
- Receiving Gifts
- Do you feel loved when your partner surprises you with a gift, no matter how small or simple it is?
- Do you feel more appreciated when your partner gives you thoughtful gifts that show they know you well?
- Do you like to give gifts to your partner to express your love for them?
- Do you feel loved when your partner gives you a gift for no specific occasion, just to show their love for you?
- Do you feel appreciated when your partner gives you a thoughtful or sentimental gift?
- Do you feel loved when your partner makes an effort to give you a gift that fits your personal style or preferences?
- Quality Time
- Do you feel loved when your partner gives you their undivided attention, such as by listening to you or engaging in a shared activity?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when you spend quality time together, such as on a date or a weekend getaway?
- Do you appreciate it when your partner cancels or reschedules other plans to spend time with you?
- Do you feel loved when your partner spends time with you doing things you both enjoy?
- Do you feel appreciated when your partner makes an effort to schedule regular date nights or other quality time together?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when you spend time talking and sharing your thoughts and feelings?
- Physical Touch
- Do you feel loved when your partner hugs you, holds your hand, or touches you in other ways?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when you share physical intimacy, such as sex or cuddling?
- Do you appreciate it when your partner touches you affectionately, even in small ways, like a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek?
- Do you feel loved when your partner touches you affectionately in public, such as holding hands or putting their arm around you?
- Do you appreciate it when your partner touches you in a way that’s comforting, such as a hug or a massage?
- Do you feel more connected to your partner when you share physical affection, such as cuddling or kissing?
If you find that you respond positively to most of the questions in one or two of the categories, then those are likely your Love Languages. It’s important to keep in mind that everyone’s love language is unique to them and can change over time, so this questionnaire is simply a tool to help you gain some insight into your own preferences. Of course you can also ask your partner, to do this little questionnaire, so you can compare your preferences and understand why there might be frictions in your relationship and what each one of you can actively do so that the other one feels fully loved.
Take care of you!